Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
