The maid of honor just puked.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My breasts were aching with rage.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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