I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
