Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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