i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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