We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
