Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
