i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm getting married
To pizza
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i believe in u and ur pee
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