Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
