i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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