turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
