there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
