im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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