I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
