That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
