we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
