i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
