I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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