im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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