he puts the penis in happiness.
My balls are so social today.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
