I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
