Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
