im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I FOUND THE LEGS
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
