yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
