She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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