Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
