I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
