No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
