is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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