I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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