I don't think brook has ever known best
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Randomize
