If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
