dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
