I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
