Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I cannot find my penis.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
