i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
