I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
