so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
