you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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