at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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