My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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