What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
