yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
