: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
