uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
