Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
