don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
