Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
