you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
