I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
